I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
"it" just moved
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
