so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
