i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
