just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
