i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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