I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
