that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
