He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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