we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
