my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
