How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
