It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize