You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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