Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
