You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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