So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
