ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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