Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize