her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
