How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
