He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize