having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
