I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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