either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
