Where is the hickey?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
