I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
farters have to be the big spoon...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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