I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
