I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
