Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
