Tell her she can't have a vagina
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
