I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Randomize
