There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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