I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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