So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
