I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
