no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
