THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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