i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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