It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Acid is not a monday night drug
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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