She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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