1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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