I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
