woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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