Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
