And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
