I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
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