fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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