im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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