Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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