Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
