Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
