Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
