Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm too high and old for this...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize