Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
