Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
