it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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