why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
