Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
