Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I am midnight drunk by noon
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
