That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
