...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
