How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
