omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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