i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
