At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
