He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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