My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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