exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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