I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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