If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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