I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
