Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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