And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
